Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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