Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
