I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Buhtt sex?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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