Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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