So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I am available for nakedness
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
