woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
