please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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