I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Come on in and take your pants off
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