My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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