Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
