dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
