There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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