I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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