Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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