I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
