It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
