grandma shit on top of the toilet
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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