You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
