I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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