There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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