Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
