Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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