If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
