they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
