Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
