he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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