im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
