You just made me feel so damn special
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
