We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
either way he was missing a nipple.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
