I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
