I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
