Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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