I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
