That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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