I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
