So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
