grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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