I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
we should paint friendship bongs
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