I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
