I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
