My liver just broke up with me...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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