I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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