Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
