I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
