Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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