Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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