I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
