If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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