i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
