Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Sext me about skeletons
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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