i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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